Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
