you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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