I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
