as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
