I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
