You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
