i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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