Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
