he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
