VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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