I must be too annoying 4 u.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
