He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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