Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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