I wish i was in the wii world.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I did not marry a roomba.
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