Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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