i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
