at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize