I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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