dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
