I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
