so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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