So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
