A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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