It's just like the Real World with babies
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
