Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
