why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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