JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I could have mohawked her pubes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
