His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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