If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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