Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
