That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
