chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
