Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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