There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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