I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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