I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
