The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
