I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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