Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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