She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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