I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
too bad you live with your parents still
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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