There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
