made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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