I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize