i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
