I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
