Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Randomize
