You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
