dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
