if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
