I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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