we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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