shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
