He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
