She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
