One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
