Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
