I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
