Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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